DestroyingAngel's Vampire Journal

DestroyingAngel's Journal

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2 entries this month

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23:50 Feb 22 2013
Times Read: 456

I haven't been getting online much or doing any art or writing. Tomorrow is the memorial for my step father. I've been trying to help out my mother as much as I can along with my sister. It's just been one thing after another...literally.

I've been doing better and therapy with my mother and sister has been going well. Extremely well actually. My mother has expressed how happy she is that we are ALL getting along and working things out in a healthy manner. It feels better too. I always feel so much lighter after a therapy session and on our last one...an old childhood issue that had been haunting my sister since the age of four finally came out in that session. The real breakthrough was my mother actually acting like a mother when my sister and the therapist asked her direct questions regarding the event (which I won't write or talk of since it's a trauma that happened to my sister). Even my sister was amazed and felt so much better than before.

For those of you that sent all the support, love and prayers...thank you all again. They worked...that's for darn sure.

It's been going well.

I like this so much better than hurting and having to feel the heartbreak of everything alone. We know that we all have each other and wouldn't have of it any other way. We go several times a month and see two different therapists. My sister's and my mother's. I'll be writing a short speech and speak at my step father's memorial tomorrow...assuming I don't get too choked up to even speak. I'll take one step at a time along with my mother and sister. Wish me luck.

I'm a bit down today...

Mostly because of tomorrow and the fact that my anxiety is through the roof and somebody very near and dear to me bit my head off about the smallest thing imaginable. I'm getting the silent treatment at the moment. Dirty looks and the general overall feeling that im an idiot or something. It hurts.

I dunno what the hell I did now. :(

COMMENTS

tr1n1ty01
01:09 Feb 23 2013

You did nothing! You are overwhelmed and everything will work out. Tomorrow will be another day of closure for you. You will be emotional but do fine. I am glad the sessions with your mom and sister are working in a positive way for you. And once tomorrow comes to a close, your passion and artistic notions will start to flow at an unstoppable pace and I look forward to see the outcome of those passions. Always in my thoughts. *hugs*

05:02 Feb 11 2013
Times Read: 481

Ever since my step father commited suicide I haven't spoke to my mother. I had no intention of seeing her and neither did my sister. Almost two weeks ago I bolted out of bed after having an odd dream about my biological father's suicide and how much shock I suffered from and how NOBODY was there for me besides my sister. I have post traumatic shock from that event. It'll never go away. A smell, a breeze or anything reminds me of him...and when that happens I'm almost always on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I remember how lonely I felt living in his house until the bank foreclosed on it. How sad it was. He was a Teamster and they couldn't of even help save a home that was two months away from being paid full. That

damn suicide clause! I would have had that home but I guess they were too busy playing games. My dad

went on strike whenever the others did. We suffered and they couldnt drop two grand on a house I wanted to keep?! Screw the Teamsters. We went without food and soooo much so people could hang on to this or that.

Anyway...

I didn't want even my own mother to feel as lonely as I did. I didn't want her to feel hopeless and all alone. I manned up about a week and a half ago. When she saw me at her house waiting for her out front...she didn't recognize me at first (she hadn't seen me in two years and I have lost close to hundred pounds since then). She had bought a few ninety nine cent McDonalds items of the value menu. Enough for her and I and we ate together. Afterwards she showed me where my step father had commited suicide...

It was in their own bed! It took a serious Hazmat team over thee days to clean up the mess. My mom was urged not to be allowed in that bedroom. He even my mother's cat, Willowmina (a fluffy white pure bread persian cat). The cat loved him and loved my mother. She was/is a sweetheart...then he decided to shoot himself in the head. The cat was okay but she's so scared and hides under my mothers bed. She's on kitty sedatives. Poor cat may even be suffering from her own PTSD. Poor cat. She just shakes and when you do hold her...she purrs and nuzzles you under your neck. She'll be okay. My mother however...needs therapy...BAD.

So I guess this entry is about the fact that on this coming Tuesday at 10am my mother will be attending our first family therapy session. My sister may bring up a LOT of unresolved issues but...that's why therapy is IMPORTANT.

Wish us all luck. We need it.

God, I hope this goes down well. I really do.

COMMENTS